The Real Fruit

Last week was actually quite amazing. I told my best friend that I had an expectation for this fast and God is fulfilling it but also ruining it, if that makes sense lol. I had my heart set on this magical experience with Him filled with intimacy, conversation, growth, etc. And it has been, just not in the way I wanted. It has been beautiful and disciplined. It has been honest and raw. God has withheld nothing from me...the good and the ugly. Last Wednesday was the hardest day. Not necessarily on the hunger front, but more so on the flesh front. I was hangry and over the day, so at some point I stopped filtering my words and really stopped putting thought into them all together. I was just this free flowing stream of words. It was absolutely not okay and I could feel the conviction of the Holy Spirit but I was too prideful in the moment to actually do something about it. Later that night when I was spending time with the Lord, He just began to show me so much about myself that I didn't like. I remember feeling so grossed out, haha, and all I could say was "God I don't want to be like this. Without regard, without control, and without love towards others. Not just in deed but in word. I want to be better and more thoughtful. If I am being honest, I was just hungry and irritable..." After I said that, the Holy Spirit responded swiftly with "Your hunger is not an excuse to not have self control."

OUCH!! What a hard pill to swallow? Gracious enough to understand my circumstance but still just firm enough to reiterate the standard and call that has been set before me.

Faith, what is today's post even about. To be honest with you, I am not entirely sure. I sat down at my computer and just began to write. This moment was so significant to me because it shows me that God wasn't impressed with my fasting. He is not impressed or moved at the fact that I was hungry. Because lets be honest, deep down I was hoping that He would be. I was hoping his response would be "Oh beloved daughter, I see that you are sacrificing for me so I will ignore your unkind words and lack of self control because of what you are giving to me." LOL, no! What He cared about was my response even though the circumstances aren't the most ideal.

I saw this post the other day about the fruit that is in season. I think it's like apples, avocados, bananas, and a few others. And it made me think about how desirable those fruits are when they are ripe and in season. Everyone wants them because they taste good and they satisfy but no one wants them in the summer. They are out of season and don't posses the same desire they once did. I don't want to be that kind of believer. The kind that desires the fruit of the spirit when circumstances are only ideal. I want to have them when the land is barren and they aren't always the easiest to digest. What do you mean, Faith? I mean I want self control when I am full and when I am hangry. It means I want joy when I am happy and when I am sad. It means I want patience when things go my way and when they don't. I don't just want seasonal fruit. I don't want to bear fruit that is conditional... I want fruit that is evident in all seasons, environments, and opportunities.

We know the infamous scripture in Galatians that lists all the fruit of the spirit, but the fullness of that passage is talking about walking by the spirit. Crucifying your flesh and it's desires to act sinfully, and engaging the spirit. Then the evidence of this is those fruits: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

So, back to my story lol. Being "hangry" is not an excuse to be hurtful. The real test of growth is in the midst of unideal circumstances. In this case, I have come to the conclusion that me and self control need to go to counseling and get our lives together, haha. But really the whole purpose of this post is to challenge ourselves in being consistent. To have integrity. To bare the fruit of the spirit in and out of "season". As you continue your journey, whether fasting or not, pray the prayer in psalm 139. For God to search your heart and to test your thoughts. To expose the things within you that need some work. Then partner with Him to transform it.