"For The Kingdom"

Guys, I am not even going to lie to you right now, lol. I am STRUGGLING. I like to think of myself as someone who likes to be busy and have a million things going on. Something about being busy makes me feel valued in one way or another. I also just love the feeling of being an aid to someone or something. I didn't work for a little over a year, which was very tough in the beginning. I went from having a full time job to doing nothing. There's reasons for that, lol, but we'll get into that another day.

Anyway, in the process of not working, God and I went through this transforming in my mind and heart of where my value truly comes from. Not from my works or accolades, but from Him. So, whether I am working or not, busy or not, either way I am still loved, chosen, and valued by the one that matters. AWWWWW! Easier said than done...haha.

I started a new job back in December and it has been incredible. The job has a great balance of ease and challenge. The processes are easy but the content is where the learning curve is coming for me. Another thing that has been tough is my time. Because I work so much, it takes a lot of my mental space. Not to mention, this is my first job in well over a year, so I am having to readjust my mindset and schedule. This has not been fun or easy for me. I like to be everywhere, at everything, with everyone. Why? We'll talk about that in a bit...but this has been my struggle: Prioritizing work, ministry, alone time, and time with God. The frustration really comes from feeling like I am not doing it well. Why is it frustrating? Because I am not used to not doing it well. I am used to doing it perfect, actually. I don't mean that pridefully, I am just trying to be honest here. In this journey of prioritizing, I am realizing that different activities overlap and I am having to decide what is more important than another. This is hard because it is all important to me. It all matters to me. So, today, I am writing this because I found myself hitting a wall. I have to choose between two obligations that hold value to me and I need to decide what gets my commitment tonight. So, I do what any other holy and righteous person would do and text my friend so that she can tell me what to do or at least say something that would make me feel better. And her response was "Pray." Literally...that was the whole text. Very annoyed, I grab my bible and get to praying and reading.

Before we go any further, I would like to preface that I don't think reading your bible and/or praying is a cure. There is no formula that bows to your desires in the form of these avenues. However, what reading and praying do is cause us to still our minds long enough to focus in on God. It's through that, that He provides what we need.

I am currently going through 2 Chronicles and if you don't know, 2 Chronicles is a bit of a parallel of 1 Kings but it goes into a little bit more depth in certain areas. But for the most part they're pretty similar. Anyway, in the beginning the book is talking about Solomon who we all, for the most part, know as the king with most wisdom. This is because God appears to him in a dream and asks what He shall grant him. Solomon asks for wisdom and God gives that to him BUT he also bestows upon him riches since his heart was pure in his request. Solomon goes on to build the famous temple but before that, chapter one tells us that Solomon got many horses from Egypt and, multiplied his silver and gold. To the naked eye, this just seems like God kept his promise and Solomon was living lavish. However, this wasn't the full picture. In Deuteronomy 17, God gives very clear instruction on the Do's and Don'ts of kingship. In verse 16 it says not to multiply horses for oneself, and in verse 17 it says not to multiply silver and gold for oneself. Theologians believe that in order to get around this command, Solomon might've claimed to have multiplied these things "for the kingdom." Later on, we start to see Solomon's integrity fall. His riches allowed him to be in some prestigious groups. This led to him marrying a foreign woman. One woman led to many. The many women led to him building temples for them to use for their gods, which then led to him worshipping these other gods and ultimately turning away from the one true God.

That was a lot. So, let me break it down for you. Though Solomon didn't directly disobey God's command to not multiply those things, he operated out of an impure heart and covered it with a posture that says "it's for the kingdom." This led to his ultimate fall and blatant act of disobedience by worshipping other gods.

When I sit back and weigh my options for where I should commit myself tonight, I need to weigh what's most important but also what my motive is. On one hand, I have an event that I don't necessarily need but my presence has been requested, and quite frankly mandated. On the other hand, I have an event that is flexible and doesn't require my attendance. After sitting for a moment, the Holy Spirit revealed to me the motive of my frustration. The reason I wanted to be at one event and not the other is because I am worried about what they'll think if I don't show. I think my attendance or "sacrifice" is some how directly connected to my value and measure of love that is given to me. And to be honest, I had a heart like Solomon that said "though I know what is required of me, I will choose the thing that makes me feel better because it's for the kingdom." But is that the truth?

What's my point? God honored Solomon by not only giving him what he requested but in His kindness, gave him beyond that. Solomon turned a blessing into a danger by allowing his wisdom to be compromised by selfish desire. God has honored me by granting my request for a job and hands that are full with ministry and opportunity. And if I am not careful, I can turn that into a danger by compromising wisdom with my selfish desire to be seen and affirmed by man.

My question for you is this...what is your motive? Like, actually. We can say it's for the kingdom, but let us never forget that it's God who judges the heart. He always knows. Solomon's fall didn't start with an act of outright disobedience, it started in his heart and with impure motives.

Our greatest danger will not always be the sins that we commit blatantly through action or disobedience. Our greatest danger will be when we stop asking the Holy Spirit to search our hearts and to expose our motives. I don't say any of these things to condemn you. I say them because it's me who needs to be reminded that no matter how good I think I am, I am always in need of the sifter. Always in need of the Holy Spirit to show me when I am not operating out of a place of purity. If I could leave you with one thing it would be to never stop asking Him to search your heart and to never stop listening. His commandments aren't to limit us, they are to save us. I wonder, if Solomon would've obeyed God, how much more amazing the kingdom of Israel would've been. Perhaps it wouldn't have been divided. Perhaps, he really would have been a better king than his father. Either way, God always has a plan and works things together. But the intimacy that is available when we obey, could be just as sweet, if not sweeter. Let's restore the purity of "for the kingdom" with hearts that are willing to have pure motives.