Day 2 - Memory Lane

Honesty moment. It has been one day without Tiktok and I truly don't know how I am going to survive. That's very embarrassing to admit but I know this is a safe place. Just really needed to get that off my chest before diving into today's topic.

It is approximately 11:40pm, as I am finally sitting at my laptop to write today's post. I promise I wasn't lazy or pushing this off till the last moment. Today was genuinely just busy - you know how Sunday's are! But anyway, before I got ready to write I took some time to breath, read, journal, and reflect. I have a habit of writing everything down. Every prayer for every fast. Every dream, and every inspiring thought. Every message concept and every whisper from the Holy Spirit. I like to talk, a lot. But boy do I love to write. It makes the things that seem intangible and far feel tangible and close. An idea can be good, but it's not real until it's written. I say all that to say, as I was reflecting, I decided to look back on some notes and letters that I had written through previous fasts. Not just my 21 day, beginning of the year fast. But my fasts in between the bigger fasts. You know those fasts. The ones that last 2-3 days because life is so upside down that you just need a pause from reality to sit in a moment of silence with the Father. The ones where you don't necessarily set drastic restrictions, but just enough to interrupt your sense of normalcy. Those fasts.

Anyway, as I am reading these letters and notes, I am reminded of God. I know that sentence may not seem proper or even complete, but trust me it is. I meant what I said. Those letters and notes reminded me of God. Reminded me that not only does He exist but He intercedes. Not only does He love me, but He hears me also. I sit here, almost 2 years removed from those prayers and sit in awe. You know, we often forget the things we pray for. Not because we're bad people but because we pray and concern ourselves with so much that we lose track of it all. That's why I am grateful for writing because it reminds me of what I prayed for a long time ago. And even though I may have forgotten those things along the way, God hasn't. "Faith, what a cliché thing to say. I came to this blog to be encouraged and enlightened on something new." I think before we can dive into new and revolutionary revelation, our hearts need to be made whole on this truth.

I know for me, leading up to this fast, I had zero to no expectations. Dreams that I had held onto started to really feel like distant fantasies. Hopes and desires began to become overshadowed with my own discouragement and fear. It got to the point where all I could muster up my faith to believe for was just to make it another day.

"God if I can just survive this, then I will be good. God, if you just keep me breathing, then I'll get it together, eventually."

What? That doesn't at all sound like the same girl who wrote all these letters and prayers some time ago. So, imagine my reaction when I'm reading these letters, today. I am definitely not still the woman above that was holding on to the tiniest thread of hope (if you could call it that). But I know that I am also not the girl I was years ago that seemed to be full of faith. And maybe I wasn't always full of faith, maybe I was just desperate. Maybe I just needed a sign that God was moving beyond my day to day, that He had something so much bigger in store that I can't comprehend even on my best day. Immediately, I am reminded that just because pain has seemingly eclipsed the hope that keeps me going, God hasn't forgotten what He said to the me when I wrote those letters, prayers, and dreams. God hasn't forgotten what I have prayed for. He hasn't let go of my dreams and wishes, and He isn't eclipsed with pain like me. He is still able. He is still willing. He is still planning and preparing. He is still hoping and dreaming on my behalf. How do I know this? Because His word says that it doesn't return void (Isiah 55:11). Even in the depths of my unbelief and pain He is still reminding me of what He said. So, when I approach His throne with nothing to hope for, He pulls out these letters and lists of prayers. "Remember those children, that marriage, and that ministry? Hope for that. Remember that business, that healing, and that opportunity I told you about? Hope for that."

What have you lost hope in? What are some words and prayers you have forgotten about? Let this be your confirmation that God has not and will not forget. It is safe to hope again. It is safe to trust Him again. It is safe to live confidently and courageously again. As you journey through these next couple of days, I challenge you to ask the Lord to remind you. Remind you of not only what He has spoken, but remind you of what YOU have declared and what YOU have prayed for. And when He tells you, do yourself a favor and write it down. In your notes, in a journal, in your bible, on an old receipt or whatever you can get your hands on. Write. It. Down. Why? Because one day, things are going to get hard. Things that used to be clear to you are going to start to become unsure in your heart. And you're going to need some proof that God has not forgotten what He said and what He's done. Not proof for Him, but proof for you.

For the girl reading this that says "Faith, I am not sure God has even spoken to me yet." Can I encourage to start with this: He loves you. He said it, not me (John 3:16). So, when the enemy comes with his lies, you can pull out that proof and say "No, God loves me." When the world tries to call you less than because you don't conform to social norms, you pull out that paper and say "No! God loves me."

Maybe you're the girl who doesn't struggle with this. Maybe you are just full of faith and hope at ALL times - and to that I say, congratulations!! Now go and help set another girl free. Shed your light, and help your sisters remember what God has spoken to them.

I hope to one day share the endless papers, word documents, note pads, index cards, and sticky notes of things God has spoken to me. One, so people know I am not a liar when I say "God told me..." , haha! But two, so that people around the world can know that He doesn't forget anything, ever. He's too kind and too good.

Dear Heavenly Father,

I thank you for your word. Not just the word that you speak to our hearts, but your word that is written upon pages that were created before our time. God, forgive us for all the times we have forgotten what you have spoken. Forgive us for all the times that we have forgotten what you have done. Help us to remember. Every word, every dream, every command, and every promise. Keep us accountable to your word. Surround us with friends that will lock arms with us when we are weak and begin to drift into forgetfulness. We choose today to remember. We choose today to resurrect our hope and expand our faith. I pray that we would be empowered to write more as we keep record of the words you speak to our hearts. For those that may not even know where to begin, I pray that you would just embrace them with your love. For that is the only word and truth that will truly sustain. We love you. In Jesus name, Amen